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The Grand Tour Episode #1
By Adam Riley
The Wait Is Over for Jeremy Clarkson's Automotive Witchcraft
It’s been too long. The anticipation for us to once again watch the three most famous auto journalists of our time, adorn our video screens with laughter, slapstick humor, and yes – horsepower. Fucking eh! Finally, they are back -- and with an entrance that nearly broke the Internet, it’s finally time to see what we’ve been waiting on. So here it is.
Sadness. Rain. Depression. The series begins with Jeremy Clarkson after his dismissal of an obvious gig. He somberly purchases a plane ticket and travels to Los Angeles, USA. Upon arrival, he equips himself with sinister blue Galpin Rocket Ford Mustang, and hits the road. Traveling along a barren highway he notices he’s being followed. Then out from behind his Rocket Mustang, two other Mustangs appear; both driven by his long time friends, James May and Richard Hammond.
The three drive off into the desert. Into a great unknown . . . when they come upon a massive entourage of cars, varying of every sort, from exotics, to antiques, to post Armageddon customs. All together barreling through the desert. As the three Mustangs make their way up to the front of pack, a destination begins to appear up ahead in the acrid landscape. Like an oasis, a massive stage awaits with a crowd of people surrounding it.
The three mustangs, single file, slowly make their way through the crowd towards the front of the stage -- and that’s when the show begins.
Taking the stage, it was like they never stopped being, Clarkson, May and Hammond. There were a few subtle -- and not-so-subtle punches at the old Top Gear franchise. First, by introducing themselves as actually being automotive journalists. Then moving along to sarcastically mocking about how they’ve been fired from nearly every job they held in their careers.
But after a humorous introduction, it was down to business in the big tent. Yes. The new traveling circus that is “The Grand Tour,” is held in tent that travels to a new location every week. For this episode: the dry desert valley of southern California, and after that -- who knows? Well, maybe the viewers do. But regardless, the main course was the “Holy Trinity of Horsepower.” Is this a metaphor to the hosts themselves? No, not at all . . . well, maybe.
Whipping around a Portugal track in three hybrid machines, the trio piloted a Porsche 918, the McLaren P1 and the Ferrari, La Ferrari. Testing each car over and over was a joyful and reminiscent adventure. As if the viewer is riding along with each host. Laughing, being thrilled and salivating over the pure elegance of top breed auto manufacturing.
Then it was back to the tent for a round of amusing conversation and an attempted introduction of several famous actors. Which was a complete failure. Followed by a mess of topics, crowd violence and Clarkson bleeding from the nose. After a calm moment, Clarkson introduced their new road course for manufacture brand testing. Which is a bitch of a test track.
Mimicking the Ebola strain with its shape. The course is roughly paved. Surrounded by forest, wildlife, no shoulder, no run-off, and an old woman living in a cottage next to it. Which strangely enough, I have a feeling we’ll be seeing her hanging undergarments on a clothesline as a car drifts wildly by. But for now, the test included a BMW M2 driven by a raunchy American racecar driver, of who’s name was not spoken.
Overall, The Grand Tour will be an automotive show that will bring a variety of entertainment on various platforms. From a tent. From a sketchy test facility. From an unknown location. With cars, mayhem and the charm of natural conversation immediately flowing from Clarkson’s mouth -- it is finally here. So prepare your self for the “The Grand Tour.”
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